So this past weekend I found time to watch 1964's Santa Claus Conquers the Martians continuing my quest of watching the entire Pia Zadora catalog. I have read here and there about how horrible this movie is but I have to protest a bit that it wasn't so bad. In fact, sort of thrilling. My enthusiasm for the film may reflect some on what kind of weekend I was having with the Octogenarians.
Even in DVD form it has very strange color, in the acid tones that were so prevalent in 1990's advertising. I suppose no one feels this small Christmas gem is worthy of a complete restoration. The color in fact then lends itself to a sort of semi-feverish quality the movie evokes, that of disturbing and scary. The Martians look uncomfortable in their green skins, short shorts, tights, and hellishly hot looking helmets. All the children have the look of deer in headlights. The stock military and nuclear missile silo footage are the stuff of childhood anxiety attacks and nightmares. A scary man in a polar bear costume. Well, OK, not so scary, but the idea of people in animal costumes causes me angst. I get flashbacks to that bear or hedgehog costumed thing blowing that man on the edge of the bed, spied on by Shelley Duvall in The Shining. Mrs. Claus is a busy body naggy hag. The idea of being kidnapped and swept away to Mars right before Christmas is everything that Christmas is not: home, coziness and the familiar. Mars is depicted as an emotionless, severe, rocky, fiberglass web covered planet. This drives the narrative of the need for Santa and what he stands for. Santa is the steady Eddie of jovial happy thoughts of excess and merriment. There is a lot of sadness to this film. Intentional or not.
I did not find it dissimilar to Christmas on Mars just released by the Flaming Lips, having the same sort of search for joy and hope in a sort of dystopian realm. Even with advanced technology, Space, the final frontier, ain't everything it's cracked up to be.
THE HOT GREEN MENACE!
PIA FIGHTS FOR HER LIFE!
POLAR BEAR ATTACK!
CAUTIONARY WORDS!
DOLLAR TRAIN
BALL DOLL
PRODUCTION OF POLITICALLY INCORRECT PLAYTHINGS ON AN ASBESTOS TILE FLOOR!
SANTA AND THE MELANCHOLY YET CARING MARTIAN DADDY
2 comments:
Is that a teapot on his head?
Best Xmas movie of all time! The polar bear scene alone is worth the ride.
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